Have you noticed?
by greywizard-dumblemort
Summary: I dunno, an observational rant-fic? One-shot


**Have you noticed… **

Am I on my own?

No one seems to notice how bad the quality of fics is now…

With a few exceptions…

Kudos to the authors that manage to keep their stories likeable.

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So, I ask… Has anyone noticed...?

-That quite a few AU authors try to stick rigidly to the canon, especially in their portrayal of the 'Wave Mission' and the Chuunin exams completely abandoning the spirit of **AU.**

- That Naruto's abuse is nearly always exaggerated, I mean, ok sometimes it suits the story but Naruto is almost always **nearly **beatento death, stabbed, poked, slapped, kicked, tied up, raped etc but for some reason people tend to 'leave him to die'. Now, it's my understanding that if one wished to kill something they'd take more caution to make sure it was dead; especially ninja. Even more caution if you thought you were attempting to kill a demon.

- It goes without saying that in the above mentioned stories, Naruto should be dead.

- Have you noticed that the combination mob of villagers/ninja is really popular and the ninja portion is always nearly completely comprised of 'chuunin'? No one even seems to realise it but they really hate on the chuunin.

- That that's not where chuunin abuse stops, most people are frightened of flamers and when they make a powerful Naruto fic they will have him defeating multitudes of chuunin so that he seems powerful but not 'overpowered'. Can't have him beating up jounin now can we.

Now, it is to my understanding that a team of 'genin' are expected to, with good team work, disable an average jounin.  
Well, so kakashi says in the manga anyways.  
We know there's nary a genin team that would have much of a chance against the likes of Itachi and his ilk but still, average jounin.  
So how then, does Naruto beat chuunin routinely in stories where he's supposed to be 'strong, but not that strong'.

- That in some fics Naruto hides his abilities for very dubious reasons and then suddenly decides to show the world his uber-powerfulness after he graduates. Like showing the world how dangerous you are because you now have 'official ninja status' would save Naruto from being actively hunted and destroyed by 'those who would see him dead on the 'council'.

- That the 'council' / 'civilian council' doesn't really exist in Naruto Manga but is **fact **in fanfiction everywhere, even my most favourite ones. That the 'powers' of the council change on a whim in all these stories for reasons such as 'The Hokage decides to be a man and dissolve the council with powers he's apparently had since the very beginning' or 'The Firelord suddenly takes an interest in the affairs of **his ninja village**' or good ol 'The Hokage's regained control after the council overplays their hand politically', something they tend to do very often.

- That this council's most evil members are always Danzo, Homura, Koharu and 'the civilian members'. The evil gang may also invariably contain the Hyuuga, Uchiha, the Ino-Shika-Cho trio (god's I hate this fucking reference) and Inuzuka Tsume, though rarely is Aburame Shibi a part of the 'evil' faction. It depends entirely on the writer at the time but this is the frame work.

-That these evil members tend to be Sasuke dick-suckers when they're not. Sasuke's only even alive because of them honouring their word with Itachi, which of course is because they know the damage he could do to Konoha; physically, if he attacked and politically if he told what really happened with the massacre. A soon as Sasuke gets away at the valley of the end, and its confirmed he's leaving for sound of his own free will, he is considered a traitor by them. End of.

- That there is always some secret elite clan for completely random reasons in Konoha. The overused Kazama or Namikaze clan especially. How conveniently it turns out that this clan was apparently one of the 'founding clans' even though it's known the Yondaime was an orphan. This clan usually has immense political power etc despite never being talk about before, never being mentioned in Konoha's history etc. Bam! One day Naruto's the leader of the Namikaze clan, didn't you know. Wow, the Namikaze clan, wow, and their bloodline, wow, they're the richest, most powerful, ultra-clan in the world. Yeah, they got a bloodline that's a mixture of the sharingan and the Byakugan didn't you know.

Damn, so, the civilians have been worshipping and ass-kissing the Uchiha name for all this time and there was such a clan in existence.

Uh….

Author-san! Author-san wait I have more questions!

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-That for some silly reason Naruto's almost always subject to the 'Clan Restoration Act'. Now c'mon people, really?

Really, really?

Does everyone have to live their sick dreams through Naruto? Wouldn't Sasuke as the last of his clan have been subject to this 'Clan Restoration Act' by his ass-kissers on 'the council' then?

Can Naruto, can **anyone** claim to love as many people as Naruto in those stories does.

I dunno what you people read but what I read is:

I love you Hina-chan, but, even though I've just met Haku-chan, I love her too.

Now now Hina-chan, Ino-chan might be shallow and not have noticed me till I became powerful but she's one of us now.

Oh, Temari-chan, yeah well when I was beating her brother to a bloody pulp I saw a look of love in her eye and knew she was the one for me.

Don't you start on Tayuya-chan, she might cuss me out frequently but that's just because she wants love.

Tenten-chan? Oh she fell in love with me when I got a massive sword as I tend to get along with my new powers.

Yugito-chan, she, she understands me, she knows what its like to be a Jinchuuriki, so there.

Anko-chan knows the pain I feel, she hides it behind a mask as well.

Kurenai-chan is not a fangirl! She just has a sudden unhealthy obsession with a young boy who recently discovered he was powerful/rich or a mixture of both.

And this can go on for ages; I've seen harems with nearly every female character in Naruto.

Now, **no disrespect to harem writers with restraint**. The rest of you, flame away.

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-Have you noticed that for some reason people insist on making Uzumaki Kushina an uber kunoichi?

It had its appeal, especially in black flames dance in the wind where she and Naruto have an epic fight, but damn.

She's always an ex-ANBU, a captain, some shinobi of renown, most commonly 'Red Death' or 'Red *insert anything here*' but sometimes she's even 'Whirpool *something*' or if you really wanna get crazy '*something* of the Whirpool'.

Alright, alright….. It's ok, but seriously. How could no-one know of Naruto's parents when his mother **Uzumaki** Kushina is world-renowned?

What purpose does her being uber-powerful really ever serve in these stories except to give Naruto good breeding or some 'bloodline'?

This coming from the same people who like to believe they're writing an underdog story but Naruto goes from clanless & making his way to greatness, to having greatness come from his bloodline, his inherited name, his family's mega-sword, clan techniques or his mother's Uzumaki 'clan techniques' or his father's overused techniques etc.

-That quite a few people who cram Naruto full of bloodlines go on to rant throughout the story about Sasuke and the Uchiha's over dependence on their blood limit.

- That people actually believe that with enough 'weight- training' a ninja can become as fast as the speed of light, in some stories, faster. Now, lets just clear up, C or the speed of light is equal to 299,792,458 m/s (**meters per second**). Now to put this into perspective, earth's equatorial circumference is 40075.02 km, which would make these ninjas able to (with weight training of course) run the circumference of the earth 7.48 times **every second!**. Wow

I bought some ankle weights yesterday.

- Have you noticed that people make Sasuke not just envious and vengeful but completely insane?  
Ok so the guy's a bit of a cock, he's got a jealous streak a mile wide but it comes from living in the shadow of his brother for so long. His father used to outright ignore him in favour of Itachi.

Sasuke is **not** some psycho incapable of believing anyone is stronger than him, do you see him or any other Uchiha running to the Hokage's office screaming 'Fight me dobe!' every few seconds? No. And that's because they know they'd get their asses kicked back up their mother's womb.  
Sasuke even acknowledges that he's not ready for Itachi in Shippuden, though its arguable that he's older and more mature.

The reason Sasuke's jealous of Naruto is because Naruto was the dead-last of their class, an idiot, there was no mask he really is that stupid. Sasuke was his polar opposite, talented like a muthafucka… while Naruto was out pranking for attention, Sasuke was out somewhere trying to replicate Itachi's trick with the kunai, no mean feat I assure you. So you can understand how jarring it might be when you're Sasuke, you're doing everything you can to become strong enough to kill you sadist brother who not only killed you family but **tortured** you and then an idiot like Naruto proves to in a few months be your near equal.

-Have you noticed that Kiba is often some kind of fuckin rapist who wants Hinata to bear pups?

Kiba's like a jock in those American high-school films, a much nicer version of those jocks in fact. He's brash and has healthy loins, he's a teenage boy but he's not a rapist. Just like everyone who went to the Academy with the kid who got the lowest grades, couldn't do a bunshin and was a complete dunce who spent his time playing pranks he doesn't have much respect for Naruto as a shinobi, at least until he's beaten him. But seriously, a fart, it made me feel like Naruto was meant to have no skill at all.

Now, because Naruto (canon) beat Kiba (canon) with a fart, does everyone have to harp on about the Inuzuka sense of smell and have Kiba beaten by smoke bombs, stink bombs, and black pepper etc. its lame, end of.

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Tell me guys, have you noticed?

Have you noticed that in some stories Naruto kills his attackers, but more just keep coming back.

I mean, you can understand with ninja, but civilians. If everyone on my street hated me and formed a mob, and I kill three-quarters of that mob, the rest ain't coming back.

People are even afraid to testify in court against murderers; no-one's looking to engage one in combat, especially one you believe to be a demon.

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Have you noticed that bad-ass Naruto gives far too many warnings?

Like there are some Naruto's who don't take s**t from anyone, they fucking kill any villager who messes with them, any ninja, ANBU assassins, Mizuki for being a traitor etc.

Then comes Sasuke, who's always jealous in these stories and always asks for a fight or charges in. He's beaten or he's humiliated or both, but never killed.

You get silly clichéd lines like:

_'Uchiha-san, you are no match for me, I have no wish to fight'_

_'If you attack me again I'll kill you' _– Always attacks again, is never killed.

_'Brooding bastard, had everything given to you on a **silver platter** while everyone hated me' - does everyone say silver platter.  
_

_'Your clan doesn't make you better than me._'

And the famous

_'He must be gay, if I had all these fangirls I wouldn't be such a prick'_

Oh lets not forget the very famous:

_'If you carry on like this you will betray your friends/village for power/revenge'_

Now seriously, do people really expect Naruto or anyone else to say this to a spoilt kid, a bratty kid, or some stuck up kid.

That's a strange assumption to make, because authors know what's going to happen they make Naruto say shit like this to appear smart but it's so unrealistic. Do you suspect the stuck up kids of your school or the bratty ones of betraying the country to the Germans.

Then you have that harlot Sakura come along shouting about her Sasuke-kun and attempting to attack megadark-naruto and she's spared as well. What?

Its obvious you need them for later in your stories authors, but if you do and you've got this kind of Naruto, you either leave them out till necessary, or don't have them doing dumb shit that they should rightly be killed for.

Have you noticed that Sakura is always the team 'medic' or 'genjutsu specialist'?

I'm pretty sure good chakra control isn't the only requirement of a 'genjutsu specialist' yet she somehow becomes one anyways because of her 'perfect chakra control'.

Any fucking herder can control one sheep. She's got fuck all chakra compared to everyone else, what she is, is useless. Not a potential anything, she doesn't have the temperament to be a medic, god knows how many years it took Tsunade to work on just that.

She's ok after the 3 year time skip, but she's matured a lot and was no doubt beaten (with legendary strength ) into submission.

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That people seriously like and hate Neji at the same time.

He's what Naruto should have been in a sense, an underdog who succeeded in the face of adversity, a branch member who reverse engineered the main house techniques and came out with the potential to be the strongest of the Hyuuga.

But he's a dick who talks about fate, and in a sense he's right. But no-one likes that.

Some people won't believe in faith but they believe in god, right. So, if you believe in god, you know he created all and is omnipotent and omniscient. He knows everything, including the choices we _**will**_ make in a given situation. And if god already knows the choice we're going to make that means that our choice is certain before we even made it in a sense, right. Hence, fated.

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-That when Zabuza fights another team like team 8 the **same **fucking thing happens. It can, don't get me wrong, but it's very unlikely.

Kurenai would get raped, it's that simple, the weight of his killing intent would have team 8 more or less paralyzed. Hinata would be able to see, Shino would have bugs scouting, scenting would be **much **harder for Kiba in the mist, and Kurenai would be cleaved in two.

You can see she's a weakling from the battles she's had.

No, she is not a legendary Kunoichi or 'The genjutsu mistress of Konoha'; she's probably not even in the bingo book. She is a **rookie **jounin, as in she just became one.

Zabuza massacred Kakashi till he got a bit more serious, Kurenai is just not on that level no matter how much you fags love '_The Rookie Nine/Konoha Twelve and their senseis.' _

She would have died against Itachi if Kakashi didn't intervene, twice. When she got her ass kicked into the water and was going to be finished and then again when she was standing there like a retard and Kakashi and to grab her and dive to safety before Itachi's clone exploded.

She was all fangirlly 'Nice one Kakashi!' when he passed her a kunai from underwater. We've seen enough to know that's not particularly impressive in the world of ninja, it shows she unused to the level of fast paced trickery and deception always present in high level ninja battles. From what I've seen of her, Sasuke at the level he fought Orochimaru at in the forest could probably beat her. His sharingan would make her genjutsu useless.

The fact that she chose to engage Itachi at all with Asuma was understandable as their duty as Konoha shinobi but to actually think you'd win. You dumb bitch!

Their aim should have been to attract attention when they realised who they were fighting, to send some kind of warning out.

Fighting an Uchiha with genjutsu, clever. Shows poor judgement that would have her long killed by either Zabuza or Haku.

A fucking lame genjutsu as well, but everyone still uses it as her primary attack in the stories.

There are dictionaries where you can translate your attacks; surely these ninja know more attacks than those you've seen in canon. Be creative.

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-That Hatake Sakumo, _The White Fang of Konoha_, definitely one of their most valued shinobi failed a mission by abandoning the objectives to save his comrade and was left with no option to regain his honour than to commit ritual suicide. Yet, there are author who would have me believe Naruto, demon, hated by _the council_, failed to retrieve Sasuke, and would be …… banished.

..

.

.

.

..

What?

Don't get me wrong, there are a few banishment fics I enjoy, but surely everyone sees how ludicrous it is that any shinobi be 'banished'.

Unless banished actually means 'The ANBU, Hunter-nin and ROOT will give you a five minute head-start' I don't see it.

Shinobi villages have very strict procedures and someone with so much village knowledge and a summoning contract no less would not just be allowed to leave.

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-That for some reason authors have their shinobi using all five elements then go on to talk about how it's only possible with the rin'negan or Naruto's new super element bloodline.

The only jutsu I've never really seen kakashi do is a wind jutsu, he knows a thousand jutsu and I'm certain there's a wind one in there.

It is very possible people, it is just that it is very hard and cost more chakra to use techniques of an element you don't have an affinity for, more so for one that's the direct opposite to yours.

So, there's no need for a super element bloodline, unless of course you wish to go with the all time favourite sub-elements. Wood, Ice and Metal being the most popular in fics.

Not cool man.

Naruto doesn't need something overplayed.

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-That despite authors giving Super!Naruto killer jutsu and bad-ass training they still depend heavily on Kage-bunshin for Naruto's fighting style… They always make him learn it no matter what. Even if he grew up in a cave somewhere with a druken old man, you can bet ur ass that old man is gonna have a Kage bunshin scroll, a technique from the forbidden scroll no less.

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Have you noticed that tick that develop above your eye every fucking time you have to listen to another _**precious people/person speech**_!

Ah! Call your fucking loved ones your loved ones or something, please, i can't fucking take anymore inane chatter about how you'll become strong to protect your fucking precious people.

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I would tell you what I've noticed in Harry Potter fanfic but that's a few hundred pages for another time. This is a one off by the way, it won't be updated. Like with _More than Equal _I'm bored but not in the right state of mind to write anything for My Idol.

Next to update… My Idol


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